Asalam O Alikum Baby

“dude…are you getting this? We are very very fucking late. One more time..take I85. South.to city center…freedom parkway..jimmy carter expressway….get off on N Highland drive..claro Mr Sherm?”
” Mr Jerry….I keep telling you….we are NOT in ATL”
” what are you talking about Mr Sherm? Of course were in fucking Atlanta. . Malls ,traffic ,hills ‘ forests of condos,,endless freeways,sticky hot death air,funny accents,brown people…..where else could we be?listen to me god damn it…I am a SEASONED TRAVELER!!!!!”
” Mr Jerry…..put on your glasses..look at the signs…it’s not English..it’s Malay ..that’s not the Buck Head Four Seasons…it’s a mosque …take the watermelon out of your ass and smell the curry…we are in Kuala Lumpur”
Mr Jerry grunts in understanding
“Mr Jerry…try to get a grip…they cane people here!”
And it’s true…Mr Sherm as usual is correct…we are in Kuala Lumpur and the clock is running out for open mike night,at Bees bar…located in Mall #1036. We have been here for 48 hours and I am still convinced most of the time that we are indeed in Atlanta ..or a hilly version of Miami. ..or anywhere but southeast Asia…we have been in a Mall since we arrived…the airport is a mall…our hotel..the ” My Home Hotel”. With its uniform white boxes..er…rooms..pay extra for towels ,a fan , toilet paper..( that’s not true,,,no toilet paper) …is ..you guessed it,..In a mall
Not surprisingly..there has been some tension in the Chop Chop ranks.
” where the fuck are we Mr Frank?…and what did we ever do to you to deserve detention in little white mall boxes?”
There was over gesculationg.and foot stomping ..a massive loss of face by Mr Jerry for screaming in a Hindu version of a Starbucks…ending in Mr Frank packing his bags
” sayonara watermelon man…your on your own…dick”
Even tho Mr Justin unwisely tried to ” capture the moment” cooler heads prevailed…mostly..
Mr Sal’s “inner child and anger management” work ,combined with the Italian propensity to cry at everything….soothed the ruffled feathers..and we all retired to yet another mall coffee establishment..to hug and apologize and sing some songs together…Mr Sal’s heartbreaking rendition of ” bridge over troubled water” brought everyone ..including the al -Qaeda operatives at the next table to tears…it was a moment…something’s you just can’t “unfeel”.
KL….this is one of the bigger cultural mash ups I have been to…the city is basically 3 groups. The Malay ..primarily Muslim ..subject to sharia law( as in…you fuck up..we cane you). The Chinese( most of the money). And the Hindus ( a lot of the labor). All of these people packed into what can only be described as some Florizona version of urban growth endless..freeways,malls condos,..and construction..Chinese have the concrete..hence the money.and whoever is installing all this AC..well..all I can say is Kaching …we have,however been trying to buy an inflatable pool for days..negative ..Mr Frank says the only inflatables are the little blue pills at the Chinese brothel pill kiosk…Mr Frank has been places I hope to never go..and has an encyclopedic knowledge of all the gum under the table..or..he knows i guy who knows…some things you can’t un-inflate.

The above photos giving you some idea…we are in a business center…meaning 20 city blocks of shops with office space above them..no one lives here..we are 30 minutes from downtown..and it’s packed..every restaurant,Starbucks..Allah-bucks,Ganesh-bucks…and on and on…there is one of these centers every 2 klicks. There’s a ton of money here…expats and rubber and palm oil and forestry and fishing and textiles . Still…like in Phoenix ,you constantly ask yourself..what the fuck does everyone do? Where are they all going,in these endless traffic jams..well.. They work at the malls dude.And like Phoenix you get the impression they are working hard in malls to able to shop at other malls..and tho it can’t be true..it seems half of them are driving the 2012 BMW SUVs. I was hanging out with some local guys I met…drinking ” milk tea”, last night…and tho they pay high taxes and the government can be restrictive when it wants to be…the general feeling is everyone can make money…the futures wide open. Oh yea…and they also have health care..for everyone. Just saying.
We took a band field trip yesterday…there’s some photos here of a small red Chinese temple(?) that the prostitutes pray at ..the table next door sells Viagra…you’ll notice..it’s not a tourist attraction…pretty conservative here. We all had a quick snack at Petsmores graham crackers ,marshmallows,choclate and the pet of your choice..the hamster was delicious…then everyone lit incense and burned fake money and prayed at the oldest Chinese temple in Malaysia…except Mr Justin..and a awkward moment.of his ” getting the story on film” from people half way into the ” shake the can of sticks and read your future dice roll” .interruptions by farangs( white people) bringing three generations of curses down upon ones family…” sorry dude…um…you can have my Panic laminate” didn’t seem to be the soothingest of balms…
In the spirit of the Mr theme…Mr Carison and Mr Becca have arrived..we all think it’s amazing that Mr Carison passed the finger photo thingy at airport security..fortunately..they have never heard of Mississippi here. Not sure how well she would weather the whole caning process. Speaking of which …. We just got the call ..Mr Sherm is again in some trouble with the authorities. There is a shade of blue he fancies.( photos forthcoming)..a mid eighties Miami vice ish electric Destin Florida water blue… Who knew?,.that the wearing of this blue announces ones highly illegal sexual preferences and is considered the Malay version of..Suicide by Cop. Though the screaming in the background while we listened to Mr Sherms begging for a lawyer was disconcerting, we trust Mr Joe will work it out…um…….wait…..actually…I am not sure how the whole Baltimore Jew lawyer thing is going to fly in sharia courts……20 swacks from the cane? ..really?……ow…that’s going to fucking hurt. Mr Frank says not to worry..it’s good for the film..Mr Justin agrees and is working on a “photo pass”
Let it be said….Mr Sherms willingness to take one for the team,knows no limits.
Ok…one more show here in KL..tonight at Laundry Bar…not to be confused with the old Alphabet City heroin depot, Laundry Mat…..I don’t think . Then back to Phnom Penh tomorrow. With Mr Sherm in tow. Inshallah.
If anyone wants to school me in punctuation spell check via email. Please do so..Mr Brad is perturbed Also..there’s a lot of photos here …it’s a big city.
Thanks for tuning in…goodnight noises everywhere. Asalam o Alaikum. Peace be upon you. Mr Jerry