The Watermelon Stacker

So…..I look at Mr Sherm,and ask in all seriousness. ” Mr Sherm…just how big of a dick do you think I am?”
Mr Sherm considers thoughtfully for a minute as is his wont and replies ,
” well Mr Jerry ,by what increments are we measuring here? What’s the yardstick?”
I think about it…feet? Vespas? yards? salt? gallons? No…..
“watermelons” I reply .
“Hmmmm” says Mr Sherm “watermelons?…are they sliced? stacked? In the field?”
“stacked Mr Sherm”
” well..I dunno Mr Jerry…I’m not much of a watermelon stacker”
” uh Mr Sherm….your not much of a ” walk up the stairs-er” either…but I think you can figure it out”
Mr Sherm doesn’t hesitate a fucking nano second,
” every watermelon
ever stacked since 1961 Mr Jerry..all of them ”
” wow” says Mr Justin… ” you really are a dick, Mr Jerry”

And so it goes…..good times in the Jewel of the Orient

We are all currently on a Air Asia flight from HCMC to Kuala Lumpur. Mr’s Frank,Sal ,Justin ,Sherm and me….the fucking “watermelon man”.
We raced to the airport at some ungodly hour for Mr Justin to watch the super bowl. Mr Clark ran into us in his new Haute Mao threads..all the fellas were excited for some sports or beer or something..alas. No super bowl…. “Vietnamese Idol” however was a lot of fun for the lads. The choreographed medley of Justin Beiber songs performed by the Peoples Marxist Revolutionary Lady Boy Brigade was particularly touching. Safe to say we all ” get it ” now. Ultimately, the entire airport was pretty pleased to hear the Giants crushed New England…one true thing, everywhere you go In this world..everyone ..in this case Viets,Chinese, Hindus,Muslims,ex-pats..everyone…collectively ..HATES BOSTON….everyone.knows; Bostonians have stacked a lot of watermelons ..if you know what I mean…and I think you do. Dicksaroo Ruback
The whole Saigon thing has been pretty incredible. Saturday was the first gig at Cafe Thi. We had been in the night before and watched a band of ..I dunno ..everyone from around the world in one band band…they had a dreadlock Filipino guy playing a Cajon…which means box in Spanish and is indeed..a box…that sounds like a drum…Wally lays some claim to knowing his way around one…anyway…the guys name is Janel and he beats the shit out of the thing and manages to make French guys groove. So we invited him to play with us…lucky for us he said yes…he’s a monster. Chop Chop con Cajon….really cool and for the totally hammered Chinese hippies and old Vietnamese rock stars and drunk ” save the whatever” chicks who frequent Thi…the Ras-mojo-polka- mariachi – angry bald guy version of Ho Chi Minh was a slam dunk..join us wont you? Hey daddy-daddy,hey daddy daddy,hey daddy daddy Ho …NMF !!!!! Followed by a feast at Les Bu’u featuring the house special..( I couldn’t make this shit up). Steamed pig brains in clam and ginger..and frog baked in its own house…sadly we passed on the grilled ox penis…I do not think it was same dish that was so popular at Rawhide in Chelsea in 1983 …maybe? There was a sign advertising the “Supper Bol Sunday” so as Mr Frank pointed out…the post revolutionary year of the dragon ninja sirens ,who frequent Les Bu’u are..indeed…. Supper Models.
Our last day was beautiful..between Mr Justin giving the 5 year olds photography lessons.at the main market (to peels of laughter from the surrounding parents) to some amazing street food. ( another Mr Chicken Fingers coup ..actually eating the fingers of the chicken). Then we filmed an impromptu show in the Gleefully Spilling the Blood of the Americans theme park. Another rousing version of Ho Chi Minh..not sure those park kids were “getting it” , cell phones were being furiously dialed and we are lucky the secret police didn’t show up…
Then a last minute booking at Yoko. Saigons “it” live bar…again with Janel. Really great..Mr Frank has been nailing it…an Arab a Mexican and a Filipino walk into a bar…..and the Vietnamese cover band wipes the floor with them ,with a cover of Celine Dion ” I really need your…..something or other” The post show thankfully did not include another Russian bar ,Russians being like Bostonians and er…pit bulls. Instead. Mr Janel took us out to one of those street cafes..in tow were his” coolest kids in Saigon” friends..and we had a really really amazing meal ,including the fried tofu with thousand year old egg and a lovely time was had by all. Sometimes your sitting there and you realize.this is the stuff you,ll remember 10 years later..a nice moment…..so we bid adue to Mr Clark and Duane until PP…and we will be trying to figure out how to finagle a work visa for Mr Janel. Saigon is everything you’ve heard said. understandable why everybody with an army has tried to own it. Even more understandable why the Vietnamese have fought so hard and successfully to keep it. Plans are already underway to bring the Jmos here . ..Ho Chi Minh..with a little dubstep could be the “fooking massive ( say with a thick Cockney accent ).
We just landed in KL…another big huge hot city…Mr Frank has booked
us at the Red Roof Inn…next to TGIF…he says there’s an awesome mojito happy hour…and 80′s karaoke at the Wang Chung Cougar Palace……chilling stuff ,that.
Thanks for tuning in…goodnight noises everywhere. Mr Jerry
PS…re michael ,brad and teri. Totally understood ..but…I do not know how to spell check punctuation…I’d ask Mr Sherm.but he’s busy, stacking god damn watermelons and giggling hysterically ,smug bastard.